Incoherent

I have been warned recently that some of the videos I post are taken down from youtube or become unavailable for some reason and consequentially can't be accessed from the blog either.
So I figured out, I should put in more effort and write the titles of the videos, in case people want to check them out but can't do so through the links on this blog.

I haven't been posting much lately... and the posts I do put up are more or less videos. That's simply because I'm quite busy and have been feeling quite down lately... or perhaps lost would be a better word to describe it. Lost because I can't seem to be able to figure out what to do with my life. And this confusion is affecting just about every single aspect of my life. I can't concentrate, I can't clear my mind and most tiresome of all, I can't stop thinking about the past, asking myself that one question I hoped I'd never have to - "What if...?". I keep having the most freakazoid dreams that keep me up at night and most of them seem to be about one place and one person (If you are reading this: Yes! I still haven't come to terms with the way things turned out! And I hope and prey to God every day I will soon, because I don't know how much more of this torture I can take!). Combine this with all the pressure I am under because of all the school work, and from my family, also regarding school, and I am in a situation in which I don't know how much longer I can last.
It's like being a mouse, trapped in one of those hamster wheels, chased by a cat. If you stop, you die but if you'll have to keep running much longer, you'll die as well. Plus, there's the constant pressure of not running fast enough...

But then again. As they say, another day, another dollar... And you got to earn that damn dollar, in order to remain... alive. Or, as Dexter would repeat to himself: "Study now, party later."
I'm just worried that once this seemingly endless ammount of work and stress is over, I won't have enough juice in me left to party... or do anything else for that matter.

Over and out.